Update on Aponere

Jen emailed me this morning with the text of a note she received from Aponere. Remember my HW club kid? See below, exactly as the note was written.

Hello momy,
Many thanks you for come our country.
Momy I enjoy my heart because you helped me.
Please I want to speak to Emily momy
I do not forget you and Emily forever
Always I remember Emily.
I want to see you Emily face to face.
God will bless you many because you help me.
A reason told to this because I like you and Emily.
I do not know my mother but now my mother is you.
In 1999 years I hurt 2000 years 2001 years I hurt 2002 years I hurt 2003 I hurt 2004 years I hurt 2005 years I hurt 2006 year I hurt 2007 I hurt 2008 year I hurt but 2009 I enjoy my heart because Jesus gave me everything.
First Jesus gave me my mother you Second Jesus gave me school.
Number three Jesus gave me a house and food.
I miss you momy. I know English will come to tell you very things
I know your eyes cry.
Many promise me that you will be my mother forever
Forever God is strong
Forever God is with me
Our father is the king we pray.
Momy you and Emily Jesus bless them every day every week
Every time every month every year
I will remember the time for help me momy
I like the Bible
Jesus loves me momy.
I thanks you things that make for one momy
Is yourself who helped me
God bless you
Appolinail
Thank you so much momy.

I cried! I didn’t even know she was in touch with Aponere. I had told her and Serge to keep an eye out for Aponere when I left because he had so much potential. But I wasn’t sure what would actually come of that, ya know? Well, they (Jen, Serge, and ITeams) got a house for him and another boy from HW club and they support him with rent, food, school, life. They’re trying to get them both to eat right, said that Aponere is a really responsible guy. But I knew that! She said he spends his money very wisely and looks after the other boy, who I think might have been one of my kids in HW club as well. Aponere’s English is coming along very well, amazing really. Serge makes him speak English when he’s with him, so Aponere practices every day.

So my boy is good! I get goosebumps thinking about it. He’s gonna do so well, guys. He’s so smart and do determined and so eager. I’m so so excited for him! To think of where he’s come from, of what he’s sacrificed, and of just the small part of the journey I took with him – and to see where he is today, its really pretty incredible.

I'm ba-a-a-ck

I'm home!!

First meal: Chili’s
First reunion/neck to hug: my fab friend Michelle
Favorite thing once I arrived on USA soil: using my cell phone
Material possession I missed most: my car
Travel time: approx 28 hours
Fun fact: its amazing how a pair of jeans you haven’t worn in 6 months can feel so new!

Thanks for everything. Thanks for reading. Thanks for the journey.

More goodbyes ...

Tonight was my last night in Rwanda. We spent it with Mama Chantal (aka, Mama Meat) and Mama Debra. Lots of laughter, good memories. My goodbye with Debra was emotional. Not really a lot of words were said, but they didn’t have to be. I think we both just knew. We heard each others hearts and what they were saying.

The closer it gets to me leaving, the sadder I get. I didn't expect that. I’m ready to be home, but in a way this has become my home. These people are people I love and have done life with for awhile. And will probably never do life with again.

Goodbye to Ubuzima

Today was my last Ubuzima. It was sad, but I felt so loved! They presented me with all kinds of gifts and with a certificate of appreciation for my time serving them. Certificates are a BIG deal in Rwanda, so this certificate was a bigger deal than what you and I would normally think of. Mama Debra, Enoch, and Bright (Ubuzima leaders) all gave speeches about me, and they had some of the ladies come up and talk about why they were thankful for me and what I had meant to them. Then they all “laid hands” on me and prayed for me. A group of praying Rwandans is a unique experience. No praying to yourself in silence. Its every man for himself, praying out loud and passionately, all at once. Of course, I couldn’t understand any of it, but it was still special.

After Ubuzima, Natasha and David had a surprise for me. They took me to a movie! A theater had just opened and we had been wanting to go to a movie since I’d been there. Now it only had one screen, and was about half the size of a theater you’d find in the States, but still it was a movie on a big screen. So fun! And, Natasha finally got a picture of me on a motorcycle for those of you at home that can’t picture me on a moto, as we call them in Kigali. :)

A Big Opportunity to Bless

So you know how I/we have this ministry money to use? Money that’s part of my budget to be used to bless others in big ways? Well, I got to bless the pants off of someone special today! Bear with me, cause this entry is gonna be a long one, but I promise you’ll want to read it!!

As I’ve been preparing to leave Kigali, I’ve been tying up loose ends with my money. Like figuring out how much I need to keep for travel, what to leave behind for the ministries of ITeams-Rwanda, and what to do with my leftover ‘ministry’ money. In thinking about the ministry money, Mama Debra (leader of Ubuzima) keeps coming to my mind. She’s always been one of my favorite people in Rwanda, and I’ve always felt there was so much more to her to know than I do. So I’d been thinking and praying about giving a large sum of the money to Mama Debra. I mentioned it to Jen b/c I was I didn't want to make Debra uncomfortable or offend her. But Jen did nothing but encourage me to follow through with the Spirit’s leading!

Tonight was my going-away party, which was great – just a good time to be with all my Rwandan friends one last time. Mama Debra was one of the last people to leave. As I walked her out to the gate (the cultural thing to do that we mzungus often neglected), I stopped her and presented her with the envelope of money. I explained to her that I knew she was aware of the money we, as interns, had set aside to bless people. (Because she was head of Ubuzima, she saw us give it away all the time as that was where we found most of the opportunities for blessing) I told her that I had a lot of leftover money from that fund and that I wanted her to have it. The money was for her to use however she wanted. If she wanted to use it for Ubuzima, she could. But it was intended for her! I told her I didn’t know what her situation was, what her needs were, but that I felt like God was telling me to give this money to her, and to give her this specific amount. (Keep in mind that if this amount is a large amount to you and me, its huge for a Rwandan) I went on to explain how much she meant to me, and that she was one of my favorite people in Rwanda and that she would always be in my heart. I told her that I saw how much she gave endlessly to others, and how I wasn’t sure I had known anyone with more love. So I wanted her to receive back some of that love, some of the blessing she gave out to so many. She asked me a couple times, “this is for me?” I think it caught her off guard, she didn’t quite know what to say, but she was very grateful and just remained her calm, peaceful, beautiful self.

Not long after, Natasha and I were cleaning up from the party. Jen and Serge had left just a few minutes earlier, but a few minutes later I received a call from Serge. He asked me what I said to Debra when I walked her out, and I explained. While Jen knew my plans, Serge had no idea. It turns out that Debra, when she got home, opened the envelope with her family around her, and began sobbing. She called Serge in tears and just went on and on about how she couldn’t believe what I had done. Finally after he calmed her down, she told him what happened. And she told him why my kindness had been such a blessing to her. She would have called me herself, but her English is very minimal and she knew she wouldn’t be able to communicate with me like she wanted to.

Most people don’t know that Debra has a hard life. She seems so put together, always presents herself as not lacking or needing much. You’d never know she was struggling. And she’d probably never tell you, either. But as Serge explained from his conversation with her, last week Debra didn’t have money to buy food for her family. Its my understanding that Debra is one of the people that buys the food for the street kid feeding program, and I assume she uses this same vendor for purchasing supplies/food for Ubuzima as well. So because she has a very good relationship with this person, she pleaded with him to let her purchase food for her family on credit and she would pay for it the next Monday. Today is Sunday, tomorrow is the Monday that debt was due. Just that morning at church, she had had words with God about how she had this faith that God would provide, but that she didn’t know how she was going to be able to take care of this debt. And now, she can take care of it! Not only that, but just a few days ago her children had been kicked out of school because their school fees weren’t paid. So now, not only was Debra going to be able to pay off her debt for the food, but she would be able to pay her debt for the school fees and her kids would be able to go back to school without missing anything! AND, she was even going to have money left over to feed her family with no worries for the next month!

What makes this story even better, is that I almost didn’t give the money to her tonight. I was going to wait until Tuesday when I saw her at Ubuzima, but I just felt like now was the right time. Had I waited, she wouldn’t have been able to pay the debt on Monday. I love how much I listened to the Holy Spirit, and I didn’t even really realize I was doing it! And it meant so, so much more to be able to bless someone I loved and cared about and actually knew, as opposed to the rest of the people my ministry money had gone to. I mean, I knew them, but not like Mama Debra. She had a special place in my heart, and to be able to bless her in such an extraordinary way – just to be able to bless her period – meant a lot to me. I can’t stop thinking about it! I’m beaming. God is so good!

On American soil, but still in Rwanda ...

Not only did I get to celebrate my birthday in Rwanda this year, but I got to celebrate the 4th of July!

I just got back from a 4th of July picnic at the American Embassy. It was so surreal! Being on the grounds, it didn’t feel like I was in Africa at all. It felt like I was in the USA! It looked and felt different. I wasn’t used to all the green, green grass and so many white people in the same place all at once. And the building just looked like buildings in the States. I went inside and the bathroom made me feel so much at home!! I was told later that they have the building materials shipped over from the US! Now, in my opinion, that’s a little extreme, but anyway. There were hot dogs and hamburgers, chips and potato salad. Everything typical of a 4th of July barbeque. I had heard that sometimes the Marines have Dr. Pepper shipped over, but they said it didn’t get here in time this year. I would have been in heaven. There was also volleyball, and some other lawn games, but mostly it was all about socializing with the other Americans. I even saw someone I knew from the States! Sarah served with me in Malawi when I worked with Children of the Nations, and she was in Kigali on a short-term trip. We hadn’t seen each other since Malawi, and now here we were reunited in another African country. I think that’s pretty cool.

Anyway, it’ll definitely be a fun memory!

Preaching, Teaching, and Growth

Just a warning ... this is a long one, so bear with me.

Its been amazing to see the growth that's happened in me since my time in Malawi and even in seminary. I look at myself and think, "who is this person?!" One of the biggest surprises has been the fact that I taught a series on the covenants!

Seminary was one of the hardest, but most growing times of my life. One of the life-changing classes, and my favorite class, was Introduction to the Old Testament by Dr. Sandy Richter. Through her class, she gave me a new love of the Old Testament, when for so long I was scared of it, b/c of all the kings and wars and things that didn’t fit or make sense. One of the ways she helped “organize my closet” was in her presentation of the OT through covenants. There is a theme in the Bible of covenants, which I had never realized. It started with Adam and Eve, then to Noah, Abraham, Moses, David, and finally Jesus (the New Covenant). I could go on and on about this, but perhaps reading the notes from my lessons would be better if you’re interested! I can feel myself starting to preach!

Dr. Richter recently published a book that essentially lays out her curriculum from the class, but is meant to be read by lay people. I brought The Epic of Eden with me to Rwanda but never would have guessed I'd use it in this way. Never would I have been able to remember all the details and teachings from the class that I want to share with others, so it was definitely a God thing that I brought it.

The entire week before I presented (or taught or preached-whatever you want to call it), all I did was prepare! I mean, it was practically 24-7! I didn’t leave the house. I skipped all of my normal activities and responsibilities. I don’t think I’ve worked that hard in the entire time I’ve been in Rwanda. There was SO much information and I remember so many times when I started to have a freak-out session because of all the things swimming in my head that I didn’t know how to translate in words and on paper.

It started out as being a sermon series, but then Jen needed more time for her series so we had to move my stuff back. But I’m leaving in a few weeks, so there wouldn’t be time to do it in 4 weeks. There was no way I could get it all into 2 weeks, so I kicked it off one Sunday, then we had two special teaching nights during the week (which where translated into Kinyarwanda), and the last was given the following Sunday at the English service at church. I was able to recreate some of the diagrams and maps from my class for PowerPoints (yep, we have PowerPoint in Rwanda) ... and they made quite an impression! The full-time missionary here and her husband have been excited about the series for awhile. And they given me great feedback! The pastor of the church has requested my notes to possibly teach it to the Kinyarwanda service - this is huge b/c the relationship between he and the mission organization I work with has been very strained for awhile. It was so fun to hear about light bulbs that were going off for people, connections they were making. And they say it all made sense, it wasn’t too academic or over-their-heads and were even teasing me about what this means for the future, that I should be a teacher. Dr. Richter always told us she wanted us to be able to simply “tell the story [of God], and tell it well.” That was her mantra. SO I'm telling the story, and telling it well!! And honestly, never in a million years did I think I'd be telling it like this. Maybe to friends here and there, but not to a church ... in RWANDA!
* * * *
Its really cool to look at this whole situation and see how much I’ve grown in the last several years. I know I mentioned that at the beginning of this blog, but its big; even just last year, I would have reacted so differently to so many things about this.
1) I would have never volunteered to do this on my own – to teach, let alone teach the material of Dr. Sandy Richter, material that intimidated the crap out of me!

2) I never once freaked out in all my preparations. So many times in seminary, when I didn’t know what I was doing or was overwhelmed by the material or frustrated with the fact that I couldn’t communicate what I wanted to, I would get so emotional. I would stop and cry and doubt myself and what I was doing. I would tell myself I couldn’t do it and was crazy for even trying. Eventually I would get out of that place and be able to do what I needed to do. But this time, none of that happened. Yes, I was overwhelmed by the material and workload and thoughts in my head, but I knew that it would all work out. There was a peace that remained with me the whole time ... I didn’t know how it was all gonna come together, but I knew it would. And it would be because of God. He would give me what I needed to say, and help me communicate like I needed to. I knew this. Yes, I doubted what I was doing, but I knew I could do it. And it was more of a funny “what have I gotten myself into?” than a serious one. Does that make sense? And finally …

3) in the days before I was to give the teachings/sermons, Serge had his doubts. He was concerned that it wouldn’t keep people’s attention and wouldn’t be received well. This had nothing to do with me personally, it was more of because of his own knowledge of how Rwandans work and how they respond to African preaching, rather than “white-girl” preaching. In the past, this would have torn me down. It would have made me doubt myself and fear would have taken control. It would have brought up so many negative feelings about myself. But this time, I was so confident! I kept telling Serge, “don’t worry, it’ll be good.” I didn’t let his anxiety make me upset, it just made me more confident about what I was doing. Isn’t that awesome? SUCH a change in me, and a big one!!

This teaching is probably the highlight of my time in Rwanda. The biggest and most rewarding thing I’ve done. Rewarding from the preparation to the delivery to the emotions tied to it. God’s been growing me, and maybe He needed to bring me to Rwanda to show me this one particular way I’ve grown.

Kamari Family

I've talked about Jen and Serge throughout my posts, and wanted to give them their own special entry! In case you missed it, they are the full-time missionaries with International Teams here in Kigali and have served as our leaders/mentors/friends. They're awesome, what more can I say. Although we love to cut up with Serge, he is one of the most genuine people I know and I'll never forget his grin. Jen - I'm grateful for her investment in my life (and the lives of Natasha/Jocelyn) and for her unconditional support ... I always felt so very validated in whatever I was feeling, which meant more than she'll ever know.

Isabella (one of 3 Kamari kids) - 3 going on 30!

God Provides

I’m thanking God a lot right now! I left my job in January to come here, knowing there was a good chance I wouldn’t get it back. But, they had told me that if they could, they would love to have me back but it just depended on their situation in July. Not long after I left for Rwanda, the economy took a huge downfall and they like many were affected, having to lay off a good amount of people. At that point I knew my chances of going back were slim. But it turns out since then, they’ve gotten some large projects and are in a lot better place financially ... and have offered me a postion to come back. So I have an income waiting for me when I get back; such relief!

God, again, has taken care of my needs … He is good!

Back to Malawi

I think I shared with you that I've been praying about going to Malawi while I'm in Africa to see some of the people I worked with when I was there a few years ago, particulary my dear friend and sister-in-Christ, Wezzie. Well, I went! It all happened very fast. Just a little over a week ago I was in town with David killing time before we had to go to Mama Bridgette’s, one of the street kids houses. So on a whim, I went to a travel agent that was in the “mall” we were in, just to see how much a ticket to Malawi would be. It turns out the airfare wasn't as expensive as I thought it would be – it was like $1000 cheaper! At that point, I couldn’t not do it ... I knew I’d regret it. So, I bit the bullet and made the trip! (Don’t worry, it was my own money, no supporter funds). Its been so good to reconnect with a few good Malawian friends. Wezzie and I have been trying to reunite ever since I left, and there've been several times it almost happened but every time a roadblock surfaced. So this was quite special to see each other again. Mada, one of the aunties (my favorite auntie, whom I had lost contact with) I worked with just had a baby - 4 days old - so I guess I picked the perfect time to visit! It was a short trip and I wish I could have visited more people, but it was still worth it. Good to be around people I love and to remember my time in Malawi in a new way.

(pictured: Wezzie, Mada, myself)

On a side note, Wezzie has hot water! Oooh, I've never felt so clean in my life. Pure bliss.

It was good to be back in Malawi. Sometimes it doesn't feel like i'm here, but just the thought of it is nice. I was hoping we'd get to go back to Chiwengo, the village where I spent time and where all the kids are. But its two hours away and their car is broken, so that is a problem. But as Wezzie and I were talking, I realized that a lot of the aunties aren't there anymore (got married, etc) and a lot of the kids are probably gone too, to secondary school, so it probably wouldn't be what I pictured anyway.

Its so weird to see Wezzie as a wife. She works like crazy - ALWAYS cooking or cleaning, in addition to her regular job. Being married has really made her grow up (she was quit naïve and childlike when I was with her in Malawi years ago), so although the same Wezzie is still there, she's different too. In a good way.

Funny story – before I left for Malawi, Serge kept telling me about how iTeams had a new staff person in Lilongwe. She was from Italy and was about to marry a man from Burundi, who would soon be on staff with iTeams as well. They had all met a couple months ago at the iTeams Africa conference. Well, turns out the guy lives behind Wezzie!!! The couple goes to their church! Wezzie started talking about her neighbor, about how he was about to marry an Italian, etc and I instantly knew they were the iTeams people Serge had talked about! I went outside and chatted with the guy for awhile and he later brought me a document to give to Serge when I returned to Kigali. I know Serge and Jen will flip out! Small world.

Wezzie’s church is the church I attended whenever our team in Malawi was in the city, so it was fun to be back there. SO many people spoke English! A lot of missionaries attend there, but Malawi’s second language is also English b/c they were settled by the English. So my entire trip to Malawi was interesting in that it almost felt like I was back home b/c of all the English (vs French in Rwanda) around me!

Being here, connecting with a good friend and being around those I love and am comfortable with, makes me miss my friends at home ... one in particular! But the good news is that it won’t be long till I’m back in their presence!

Spiritual Gifts

We’ve been going through the spiritual gifts at church since I’ve been in Rwanda and a couple Sundays ago we took a Spiritual Gifts Inventory. I’ve taken many of these "tests" and usually I get similar results. This time, sure enough, I got similar results BUT a couple gifts showed up that I’ve never had before – Wisdom and Leadership tied for #3.

I was kinda excited about Wisdom – it was a surprise, but a pleasant surprise. I mean, who wouldn’t want to be wise, right? My friends here and I have been joking about how they need to listen to me because I am wise! However, they have said there is some truth in their comments, that the things I say and advice I give is good advice ... that there is wisdom in my words! So, all of you at home? I guess the next time I talk, you better listen well! :)

Leadership? That was a big surprise! I’ve always been more of a follower than a leader – I mean, my top gift was Helper if that tells you anything. So the only thing I can figure is that maybe I’ve grown into the role of leader a little bit more over the last couple years. I’ve asked myself, “Has this always been a gift? Have I just not recognized it before? Or is it that it's not necessarily a gift, and the test lied! :) Can you learn your gifts? Or grow into them? If you grow into them, are they really gifts or are they 'learned behaviors'? Does God give you different gifts at different times according to your life situation? Can they change?” My answer is yes, they can change. Because we are on a journey in life and we never stay the same; God is molding us and making us into who He wants to be. So of course our gifts will change from time to time ... after all, they are “gifts” and not talents. Gifts are something given to us, not in our control.

Change is good!

Jocelyn's departure and the end of HW club brought about a schedule change for Natasha and I - and it has been just the boost we needed! The change has done us good and I feel revived and ready to go on a whole new level. Its almost like it’s a different internship. I've been tutoring a church member in some computer basics and have, surprisingly, been really enjoying it. I think it’s because it’s my niche - at home, admin work had become a burden but here I've discovered that maybe it really is a gift and that I DO actually enjoy it! So that computer lesson has turned into a class. Mostly I'll be teaching some ITeams staff so they are better able to do reports, etc, but there's a couple non-staff that will come too. I’m even going to do typing lessons! Oh, the memories of typing class in high school. Right now the computer classes are once a week, but could turn into more. And we’ll see what the attendance is like. It could go either way; I mean, we are in Africa. :)

I'm also preparing to preach a sermon series on the covenants of the Bible! You might remember that I was considering this, but now its official. I can't believe I'm doing this - not in a million years would I have pictured it, but I would have never pictured myself in Rwanda either! And this was even MY idea which is even crazier. I'm super nervous but excited at the same time. Its material I learned in my favorite class in seminary (for those who know it, Sandy Richter's Intro to Old Testament) and its been on my heart for awhile to share it with the people here. Its a rather daunting task as I put together all the details (there's a lot of them) and wrap my mind around how to communicate it, but here's where my faith comes in - where I trust that God will make it all come together, cause I surely can't communicate by myself! So please pray for me!!! My first "teaching" isn’t far away and I still have lots to prepare.

Last Day of HW Club

On Friday we had our last day of HW club. We each wanted to do something fun with our kids, rather than schoolwork, since they’d been working so hard. Well, mostly working hard. :) Jocelyn took her girls to get a Fanta at a restaurant down the street, Natasha made her kids balloon animals and ran around like a monkey, and I played UNO and Chutes & Ladders with my kids. They loved Chutes and Ladders!! The next day we had a big party for all the HW club kids and Kindergarten kids together - played tons of games, gave out sweets, and let a few balloons loose among them, which they loved and we had to stop b/c it got so rowdy. It was all bitter-sweet for me, as although I was ready to move on from this program, it was hard to say goodbye to the kids.

You remember me telling you about Aponere, my prize student who chose school over a home? That goodbye was rough ... at that time, he was still homeless and not sure what was going to happen, but he thanked me over and over again and said he'd always remember his teacher. Good news, though! I was back at Moureen's the next week and saw him and discovered he found a job washing clothes nearby that would also provide him shelter! Praise God!

Birthday Celebrations

For my 29th birthday, one of my best friends took me to see The Lion King; for my 30th birthday, I was taken on a scavenger hunt that ended with an awesome surprise party; and for my 31st birthday, I spent it in Rwanda! Um, I’m kinda afraid for my 32nd year ... it could potentially be a let-down after the last few years of celebrating!

Yesterday, in case you didn't figure out, was my birthday. All of the interns have had birthdays since we’ve been here, mine being the last, so we’ve kinda gotten into a routine with celebrating. Usually there’s decorating of the house, some kind of breakfast-in-bed sort thing, and a celebration that night. My breakfast? Chocolate fondue! It was great! I got a bag of goodies, too … my roomies are awesome! Then, we got dressed and went out for housevisiting. I guess word had gotten out that it was my birthday because one of the ladies we visited gave me a bag of fruit for my birthday! I mean, if you think about it, she gave me the fruit she would normally be earning her income off of to feed her kids! It was so sweet ... As for the nightly celebration, my roommates/fellow interns have had lots of fun trying to surprise me, but I kinda suspected it would be at a Chinese restaurant. I had told them a couple times I wanted to go have dinner at a Chinese place for my birthday. So after lots of hoopla and acting as if there was not going to be a party, that we were just hanging out at Jen and Serge’s house, we all ended up at one of the nicest Chinese places in town. Some of my closer Rwandan friends were there, probably about 14 of us total. It was the first time some of the Rwandans had had Chinese food, so that was fun.

Then, today at the street kids feeding, I got another birthday surprise. David, our best Rwandan friend and translator, didn’t come to my party and I gave him grief about it! So to make it up to me, he had the ladies preparing the food that day make a plate of rice with beans carefully placed in a circle around the top of the rice. They came out singing Happy Birthday with one large candle in the middle of the makeshift birthday cake. At the end of the song, I blew out my candle and “cut” my cake with a huge cutting knife! I was also chased down with a cup of water – a Rwandan tradition for birthdays is to pour water on the birthday girl/boy. I have to give David props, he made it up to me and gave me an awesome story to tell in the future!

This isn't goodbye?

Today we told the kids at Moureen’s that this week was the last week of HW club and Kindergarten. A lot of them knew that the property was being sold and they were having to vacate, but some didn’t. So we tried to explain as best we could and they seemed to take it pretty well – at least on the outside. Some of the older ones asked several times, “so we will not see you after this?” We told them that for Jocelyn, yes, because she was going home, but for Natasha and I, we would still be around the area and would stop by to visit when we could. But honestly, I don’t know how practical that is – some of them are pretty spread out in the area so I wonder if we’ll even see them again. ITeams still wants to keep some sort of weekly program to stay connected to the kids they support in school, so Natasha will probably help out with that when we figure out what it looks like. Its weird … I feel kinda numb to it all. Seems like I should be so sad that this is goodbye to these kids. But maybe, again, I’ve put up that emotional wall of protection. And maybe, too, I know that there is still opportuntity for me to see them somehow, someway. I’m not dropping off the face of the earth.

I do have to say I’m gonna wonder about Aponere especially. He’s still homeless, but he seemed to be doing a lot better when I talked to him today. He’s been able to eat, and his cough is better … but he’s still homeless. Thing is, this kid seems to not be fazed by it. Its like life as normal. And even if he wasn’t okay with things, I don’t think he’d tell me. AND, he didn’t ask for more handouts, when he knew I probably had more money to give. That’s what makes me respect him that much more … and have that much more hope that he will make it in this messed up world.

** On a side note: I made flash cards for my kids this week with their multiplication tables. Wanted them to get away from looking on the back of their book or having to "think" through it. They LOVED this! They were yelling out the answers and trying to be the first to yell them out. They'd get excited when they were getting close to the answer. It was crazy! But, alas, I wouldn't be able to do this for a whole other month, so I think it was a good ending to my "teaching" time with them.

Times are a changin'

Today we met with Jen to talk about the coming week – this is Jocelyn’s last week in Rwanda so amidst her final preparations, some of our programs are ending too. Looks like next week after she leaves, Natasha and I will basically re-work our schedule. HW club is coming to an end on Saturday. We figured it was a good time for some closure since Jocelyn is leaving and we don’t know how long we’d be able to continue to hold HW club on that property … and Natasha and I are ready for a change anyway.

*Moureen’s*
People are making preparations to leave Moureen’s property, or at least trying. A lot of them have come to Serge telling him they have no place to go … and what do you tell them, ya know? Its just impossible to find homes for everyone; its even becoming impossible to find homes for just a few.

*Preaching???*
Jen was talking about how the sermon series is about to come to an end at the English service. Said they wanted to do something completely different – they’ve been talking about spiritual gifts. And said she was open to any insights/ideas we had. Then, all of a sudden, I found myself asking if they were open to others speaking … aka, me. I mentioned how I had taken this Old Testament class in seminary that I absolutely loved, and the professor had written a book on it, which I had with me. And I had thought of teaching about the different covenants in the OT and how they were all connected to our story of redemption in Jesus. It was kinda like an out-of-body experience. I couldn’t believe what I was hearing myself say … whoa, whoa, Emily, you are offering to preach! And preach on the OT, stuff that could easily be gobbly-guk in your head!

So I haven’t committed to it yet, I have this week to think about it. But I think I already know that I’m gonna do it … I’m just trying to live into what came out of my mouth.

Because He Lives!

Because He lives, I can face tomorrow
Because He lives, all fear is gone
Because I know He holds my future,
and life is worth the living just because He lives.

I never really liked this hymn … until now. It's taken on a whole new meaning since I’ve been hear and I think will now be a favorite. They sing it a lot at the English service … seems like they sang it nearly every Sunday for my first couple months in Rwanda. But, oh, it got me through so much! I remember in my first months, some days I didn’t think I could do it and I didn’t face another day. And I was afraid of things I couldn’t even name. I just didn’t feel like myself. This song reminded me that Jesus was with me every step of the way, that I wasn’t alone. That it was through him that I could get through it; that he had already taken away the fear; that he knew my future--each hour, day, and year; that I could trust him and praise him; and most of all, that if put my focus on HIM and not on myself, everything would be more than okay! And when I thought that way, when I sang those words, I would be at peace – even if just for a few minutes – and was most always brought to tears.

So today, when we sang it again, I remembered those times of trials and what was going through my mind when we sang it before. Remembered the person I was then, and the person I am now. Both the same and different. And this time when I sang the song, just like the observations of my own self, the song meant both the same things and different things. It’s kinda like I was able to sing it with more confidence now … before I sang it with that blind faith, with eyes closed to everything that is and would be. But today I sing it with more of an eyes-opened faith. A faith that has little more knowledge or trust. A faith that is still faith, but not as much of a “help my unbelief” faith. I’m sure I’ll be back in that unbelief stage at some point—I think we all migrate back there from time to time—but for now, I’ll enjoy the peace that comes with the knowing and seeing that God has indeed held my future these last several months (and more) and taken care of me and gotten me through each and every tomorrow. He has conquered my fear and laments … and has conquered this big, bad world because, simply, He lives!

School vs Shelter

If you had to choose between school and a home, what would you choose? Most of us will never have to make a choice like that, but this week I know someone who did.

You’ve heard me talk about Aponere, one of my HW club students. ITeams pays for his school fees, along with all the rest of the kids we “teach.” Several weeks ago we found out Aponere was living with a family supported by Compassion International and was missing school frequently because they were sending him to work on the, Compassion farm instead of going themselves. It turns out he didn’t end up coming to live with Moureen (previous blog entry) – all he said to me was, “I just can’t come live with Moureen, I’m sorry.” One of the Compassion kids from the household even started coming with Aponere to HW club, and it happens he’s in P4 – my class. It was really difficult for me to give him the same attention I gave to my other kids,especially when I knew he was part of the reason Aponere, my brightest student, was missing school. And honestly, most of the time I didn’t give him the same attention. I wanted to tell him to go home, but there wasn’t a whole lot we could do about it and really in the long run, it wasn’t hurting anything.

Anyway, today I discovered that Aponere has been kicked out of that house is living on the streets. It sounds like he was told to leave because he stopped going to work on the farm on the days he should be in school. It was either go work on the farm and have a roof over his head, or go to school and have nothing. He chose to go to school. And education was more important to him than food and shelter! I admire him for the choice, a choice I’m not sure I would have made. Man, these kids! They’re amazing.

The thing is, he’s not even the one who told us! It was Claudine, one of the older kids, who said something. Now it made sense why Aponere was sick. It wasn’t just a normal cough; it was probably due to the fact that he had been sleeping on the street somewhere for the last couple nights. So immediately we thought, “well, just come live with Moureen.” But even Claudine said she didn’t think it was a good idea.

Unfortunately, we (ITeams) can’t find an immediate solution for every person put in this kind of situation. My immediate reaction was to find a home for him, but that’s just not possible. I was told the reality was that he’d find a place to stay somehow, and in the meantime ITeams would put him on the list of kids that have no family, nowhere to go once everyone leaves Moureen’s property, and try to find a place for him.

I ended up giving him some money for food, hopefully enough to last till the next time I see him. I told him I wished I could do more, but that I would be praying for him … for God’s protection and care to be with him in a mighty way. And that God would provide what he needs when he needs it. So far, it’s been the best way I’ve spent my ministry money, and I almost wish I had given him more. He’s a strong kid … brave, smart, and enthusiastic. Hopefully one day soon I’ll see that excitement in him again and his spirit will be renewed. You could tell he’s pretty discouraged. Who wouldn’t be?

Aponere has been on my heart and mind ever since. ITeams works with street kids a great deal, I see street kids every day. But now I have new exposure to a street kid. He’s one of mine. He had a name and a face before he was a street kid. Hopefully, he won’t be on the street for long. Hopefully he’s already found a friend to give him shelter. These kids are so much more grown up than many adults. But I wish they could just be kids.

Jenny's "Alimentation"

Today we helped one of the Ubuzima women start her own business! We visited her a few weeks ago on one of our house visits and had been burdened by all her needs. I look at a lot of these people and truly don’t understand how they live – if they have no job, no money for school fees or medicine, how do they find the money for food? How do they survive? I guess they literally take it one-day-at-time and just have a truly amazing faith, trusting God to provide.

So originally, we wanted to buy her a goat! To give her a sustainable income. But they told us the city of Kigali doesn’t allow animals, even though tons of people have them. The city is trying to get away from “rural life” and trying to become an actual city. Plus, she probably wouldn’t have a place to put the goat or the money to care for it. So, instead of a goat, we went to the market with her and bought all kinds of items for her to sell on the road beside her home. When we were finished, it was like she had her own little mini-store! A bunch of bananas that was like 4 feet high, tomatoes, spinach, petrol (oil), candles, charcoal, and I don’t even remember what else.

So hopefully, we just became part of a long-term income for her … and she’ll be able to provide for her family now. Let’s just hope she is fruitful in sales and everything multiplies! Food, supplies, income, love, joy, blessing and thanks! :)

RTA love!

I just got a package from my former co-workers in the States! It was huge … and such a nice surprise. I actually cried because I was so touched – they blew me away.

So I just have to say thanks again! It meant a lot! Thanks for making my birthday that much better!

One thing I’ve learned being here in Rwanda … many more people care about me than I realized. And I need to not be so quick to judge that just because I don’t see the “care” doesn’t mean it isn’t there. Something I knew before, but you tend to see things differently when you’re outside of it. God has your attention in a bigger, deeper way when you’re so far from your normal reality.