Jenny's "Alimentation"

Today we helped one of the Ubuzima women start her own business! We visited her a few weeks ago on one of our house visits and had been burdened by all her needs. I look at a lot of these people and truly don’t understand how they live – if they have no job, no money for school fees or medicine, how do they find the money for food? How do they survive? I guess they literally take it one-day-at-time and just have a truly amazing faith, trusting God to provide.

So originally, we wanted to buy her a goat! To give her a sustainable income. But they told us the city of Kigali doesn’t allow animals, even though tons of people have them. The city is trying to get away from “rural life” and trying to become an actual city. Plus, she probably wouldn’t have a place to put the goat or the money to care for it. So, instead of a goat, we went to the market with her and bought all kinds of items for her to sell on the road beside her home. When we were finished, it was like she had her own little mini-store! A bunch of bananas that was like 4 feet high, tomatoes, spinach, petrol (oil), candles, charcoal, and I don’t even remember what else.

So hopefully, we just became part of a long-term income for her … and she’ll be able to provide for her family now. Let’s just hope she is fruitful in sales and everything multiplies! Food, supplies, income, love, joy, blessing and thanks! :)

RTA love!

I just got a package from my former co-workers in the States! It was huge … and such a nice surprise. I actually cried because I was so touched – they blew me away.

So I just have to say thanks again! It meant a lot! Thanks for making my birthday that much better!

One thing I’ve learned being here in Rwanda … many more people care about me than I realized. And I need to not be so quick to judge that just because I don’t see the “care” doesn’t mean it isn’t there. Something I knew before, but you tend to see things differently when you’re outside of it. God has your attention in a bigger, deeper way when you’re so far from your normal reality.

Small Trees

Natasha was having dinner with a Rwandan that she works with on the worship team at church. At the end of the meal, he kept saying, “I just need to find a small tree and I’ll be ready to go. I need a small tree.” A small tree? She couldn’t figure out what in the world he needed a small tree for! Turns out he was talking about a toothpick … they use toothpicks religiously here after a meal. And I guess there’s not really a specific word for toothpick in Kinyarwandan. :-)

Not My Jesus

We were visting one of the Ubuzima homes last week, and Enoch was telling us how sometimes its hard to go and visit these people by himself because it takes so much out of you. And how also there are some needs that are greater than others. We found out there were some needs that we didn’t know about it in the past that we could have used our ministry money for, so we asked Enoch to not be afraid to let us know of such situations. And we encouraged him to take advantage of us while we were here and take us with him to visit the people in more difficult situations, who are paralyzed or have been bed-ridden for instance.

One of us said to him, “We are there for you Enoch!” His response?

“You are not my Jesus.”

Oh, we had a good laugh. It was so unexpected. Thing is, we couldn’t tell if he was being serious or joking … but that’s one of the reasons I love Enoch. He keeps us guessing. But in that guessing, he keeps us thinking too. Because although we initially took his comment as a joke, there really is some reality and truth to it. How many times do we think of other fellow Christians/friends/companions as our Jesus? We put so much weight on their place in our life, we forget that weight should be put on Jesus. And on the flip side, sometimes we find ourselves in the place where we think we can solve people’s problems or give them what they need, be their helper and comforter. But really, its Jesus who is saving them, not us!

HW Whoas

Tonight was rough! I think I’ve hit a wall with my HW club kids. Over the last couple weeks I’ve been teaching them present and past tense of some irregular verbs. Its amazing how quickly they learned them. I gave them some flash cards and within the first couple times they looked at them, they had the words memorized! So, I decided to be ambitious last week and ask them to use these words to complete some sentences in English. I figured it would help them process what the word actually meant, help them use some of their other English vocabulary, and show me what vocab they still needed help with. Well, it was a disaster. They didn’t know any of the words in the sentences! And when you only know a limited amount of Kinyarwanda, its rather difficult to explain the meanings. I knew they knew some English, because they had been speaking it and using it in previous classes. So I scratched that whole assignment and told them to turn their paper over and just write all the English words they knew. They wrote nothing! I was at a loss.

So where do I start now? Do I go back to the beginning? Do I keep truckin’ along and give them grammar lessons when I know they don’t understand most of the words in the lesson? How can you make sentences negative when you don’t even know what the words are in the sentences? AND, how do you help them with their homework when you don’t even know what they’re doing in school?

I’m trying to be patient and take it one day at a time, but its so challenging. I’m not cut out for this and I’m hoping God will release me from it soon! Just pray for me and these kids!

Rwanda Reality

Today we got another dose of Rwanda reality. We visited two more genocide memorial sites – churches where thousands of people sought refuge and safety, but in the end found the opposite. In one sense, this visit was worse than the Genocide Memorial we visited when we first arrived in Kigali; but on the other hand, it didn't seem as traumatic. I think maybe because we had prepared ourselves this time.

Both churches were in the Bugesera district, an area about 30 minutes outside of Kigali. The first was in Nyamata; 4,000 were killed here but I honestly don’t know how 4,000 people fit inside that tiny one-room church! We were given a tour by a genocide survivor, all in Kinyarwanda. Our taxi driver went in with us and tried to translate, but his English is very limited. Besides, for something like this, there’s only so much translation that you need … or want.

As we entered, we found piles and piles of clothes drapped over the benches/pews; some of the piles were so large you couldn’t see the bench underneath them. They belonged to those who were killed. I think this is the point where all of a sudden, a wall went up for all 3 of us to perhaps shield us from the potentially overwhelming emotions that result from seeing something like this. In the middle of the room, we walked down some steps into a small basement type structure where there were shelves of skulls and bones of the victims, as well as caskets drapped in purple – the official genocide memorial color. It was hard to really look at them, but the glances were still enough. In some of the skulls, we found arrows; others were almost completely cracked in two, probably the result of a machete. Outside, we found more memorials and “graves.” At one point in the “tour” we even got a demonstration by our guide of how the weapons were used. I know it sounds horrible, but I had to try hard not to laugh. I think maybe it was nervous laughter I could feel surfacing. I mean, it was just so surreal … standing in front of this man who witnessed so many deaths in the way he was re-enacting. Dried flowers were everywhere, probably placed there during the memorial week in April by loved ones. And everything was so quiet … it was a peaceful kind of a quiet, but at the same time a haunting kind of quiet.

The second church, located in Ntarama, was a lot of the same. This one, however, wassmaller but supposedly was the site of 1,000 more deaths than the previous church. It seems impossible. Really, how could so many people fit in such a small place? Instead of clothes on the benches, they were draped on the walls and in the rafters above. People’s belongings were still there as well, belongings they had brought with them thinking they would stay for a couple days and wait out the madness. Dishes, books, papers, toys, even mattresses. The priest’s quarters beside the church had been cleared out to collect the overflow of remains of people that are still being found today.

Both churches were in the middle of a village, one deeper into the village than the other. As we drove through it, I tried to imagine the people who lived there both then and now. What must have been going through their minds as they ran to the church, seeking refuge? Did they have any hope? Did they know that it was a lost cause? How many bodies did they have to step over on their way? Did they have to fight to get in the door of the church? Did they all enter at once or did new neighbors come every day? And then, what is life like in the village for those that live there now? Surely they are haunted every day by the memories. Could I live in a place where something so horrible happened just steps away? How many of these people returned to their original homes? How many homes are still empty to this day?

How many normal lives are these people living? Not just in Nyamata and Ntarama, but in Kigali and Rwanda as a whole. How can life ever be normal after something like they experienced? Perhaps it never will be. But perhaps people have no choice but to live “normal” lives, even if the normalcy is forced. Anything else is just too hard to live with. Is that okay? Is it acceptable? That’s been a question I’ve been wrestling with since I’ve been here, and I’m not sure I’ll ever find the answer.

Update on Moureen

It looks like we’ll be saying goodbye to the property where Moureen and company live. Nothing much has changed in the situation. They are still being asked to leave, but the owner has at least given us until the end of May to vacate. Although its not we hoped, at least people have time to figure out where their going to go and ITeams’ leaders have a chance to breathe and think about what to do.

ITeams is planning to help all the people as best they can to find housing. Those with any kind of family are being asked to take up residence with them. But as for the orphans, ITeams is planning to help find homes for them and is currently determining which of the kids on the property are actually orphans and have no place to go. They are also trying to determine how to keep track of the kids that will go back to families and be in new schools – ITeams plans to continue paying their school fees as promised. As for Moureen, she has reached a place in her ministry where ITeams feels its time for her to regroup and refocus … and take some time for herself. Apparently she’s been through a lot in the last couple years, and we wonder if maybe this whole situation is God giving her a chance to start over, start fresh.

There was talk of ITeams buying this property … they have many dreams for it and see SO much potential for ministry. And they have supporters who are ready to fund the purchase of it. However, I think there is quite a bit of history behind the property. It was a former nightclub and the owner was a participant in the genocide … and the list goes on. Long story short, ITeams is just not at peace with pursuing the purchase.

So although I’m sad to see this ministry/association come to an end in a sense, and I still don’t understand why things are happening as they are, I’m beginning to accept and see that this is all in God’s plan and He will protect and provide in the ways these people need Him to. And maybe even better things will come for Moureen and these people and kids. We just can’t see it now.

Keep them in your prayers … particularly that all the orphans will find shelter and homes, rather than finding themselves on the street once again. And for Moureen … her heart is breaking in all this. She loves these people and kids and continues to think of them before herself. She is concerned for them, and all are starting to realize the goodbyes that will be happening in the coming weeks. (pictured on the left)